You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
