I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
