so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we made out on top of his cat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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