his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
