I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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