ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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