There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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