I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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