She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
