We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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