I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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