I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
