Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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