Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
