i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
