It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
