I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
