I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
