no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
