got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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