I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
