Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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