will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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