But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
