Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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