Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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