I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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