Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
