Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
