he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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