Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
