Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
