I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
