My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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