at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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