well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
