you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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