do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
