So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is my gift to your gina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
