I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
