He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
