apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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