Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
