i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
