if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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