i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
