I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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