It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
