First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
