Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
