brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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