i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
